Wait For Him

Wait For Him

Wait for the man who will pursue you for the rest of your life –

The kind of man who reminds you everyday how beautiful you are

The one who knows your worth,

And will never ever take you for granted.

Wait for the man who will be your very best friend –

The kind of man who accepts all your flaws and imperfections,

The one who knows your vulnerable side

And strives to protect you all the days of his life.

Wait for the man who always makes you feel loved –

The kind of man who wants to show you off to the world

And the one who fills the gap between your fingers.

Wait for the man who values his family –

The kind of man who will one day share your life with,

The one that everybody would love to have,

But will assure you that he belongs to you and you alone.

Wait for the man who will lead you and pray for you,

The kind of man you will joyfully submit to –

The one who continues to be Christ-like each passing day

And always points you towards the Savior.

Wait for the man who puts GOD above all else –

The kind of man who knows what on earth is he here for

And the one who prayed to GOD in order to find you.

Wait for the man who will do everything to win you over –

The kind of man who holds on to his faith

And is not afraid to be rejected.

Wait for him, no matter how long it takes,

And never ever settle.

Because in the end, he’s  going to be worth all the wait. 🙂

Loneliness and Solitude

Loneliness and Solitude

“It is not easy to stay with your loneliness. …. But when you can acknowledge your loneliness in a safe, contained place, you make your pain available for God’s healing. God does not want your loneliness; God wants to touch you in a way that permanently fulfills your deepest need. It is important that you dare to stay with your pain and allow it to be there. You have to own your loneliness and trust that it will not always be there. The pain you suffer now is meant to put you in touch with the place where you most need healing, your very heart….Dare to stay with your pain, and trust in God’s promise to you.”

“No friend, no husband or wife, no community or commune will be able to put to rest our deepest cravings for unity and wholeness. And by burdening others with these divine expectations, of which we ourselves are often only partially aware, we might inhibit the expression of free friendship and love and evoke instead feelings of inadequacy and weakness. Friendship and love cannot develop in the form of an anxious clinging to each other. They ask for gentle fearless space in which we can move to and from each other. As long as our loneliness brings us together with the hope that together we no longer will be alone, we castigate each other with our unfulfilled and unrealistic desires for oneness, inner tranquility and the uninterrupted experience of communion.” – Henri Nouwen (Reaching Out p.19) Emphasis mine.

 Indeed the solution to loneliness is not company; the solution to loneliness is peace in solitude.

– Quoted from Henri Nouwen’s article on Loneliness and Solitude

How To Be Single (Part 2)

How To Be Single (Part 2)

As promised, here’s the continuation of How to be Single. In this section, much is emphasized on being you and learning to be comfortable with who you are. So, to start with, let’s move on with the part that is almost always neglected by most single people:

4. Being single is loving yourself first, before loving others.

The late Dr. Myles Munroe in one of his interviews said, “The strength of your love for others is only as strong as your love for yourself.” I can never argue that, because Jesus himself commanded us to, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” It seems that loving others go hand in hand with loving yourself. If you cannot love yourself, who is with you, in you, 24 hours a day, how will you be able to love another human being?

If you have not reconciled this fact within yourself, I encourage you to embark on a journey of loving yourself. It is not about being self-centered. But it is more about being at peace with who you are, dealing with your loneliness, accepting what you are and loving the ‘you’ that God has placed in your body. Seek help or counsel from your godly mentor if need be. Ask God to help you deal with every insecurity you have about yourself that is causing you to NOT like yourself.

In my own personal experience, I had to learn to watch a movie by myself, laugh at my own jokes, be comfortable with dining by myself in a fancy restaurant and not at all feel envious of the couple exchanging sweet nothings at the other side of the table. These things I have to overcome until I feel happy with my own company. So whatever, issues or insecurities you have inside, make peace with it. Until you are able to truly enjoy your own self, only then will you be able to fully share love and joy to others. 

5. Being single is not about pursuing a lifetime partner, it is about pursuing God’s purpose in your life.

I’ve asked God this question a thousand times in my life, “Where is my husband, Lord?” Because to be honest, I didn’t like being single for a long time. In fact, I feel so embarrassed everytime someone would ask me, “Why are you still single?” Because I had somehow equated the fact that I am still single in my 30s as being like “the most undesirable girl in the world”. And I don’t want people to think that way about me.

In my early twenties, I made it one of my life goals to get married at the age of 25. I am a go-getter type of person. In other words, if I want something I’ll plan, work hard and get it! But that goal never came to fruition, for the simple and obvious reason that there was no eligible bachelor at sight desperate enough to ask me for marriage at that time.

None! Nada! Zilch!

Disappointed that my journey to ‘marriage’ was taking longer than I originally planned, (well… much longer as a matter of fact) this made me chase men to love me only to be left rejected and unloved. Many years down this path of searching for love, I met a man named, Jesus. He changed me and even my plans and goals in life. I realized that there were far greater purpose in this life. I have always thought that life was simply about finishing school, finding a career, getting married, building a family, raising up children and then finally going for retirement. Whilst these are actually great life goals, but discovering who you are according to God’s original intent and design became even more interesting to me.

So instead of chasing men, I made a decision to pursue my purpose – a purpose even bigger than my dreams – bigger than what I could even think or ever imagine.

6. Being single is about enjoying God’s presence more than receiving His blessings.

I love the story of Moses in Exodus 33, when God instructed Moses to tell the Israelites to go up to the Promised Land. The Lord says,

“And I will send an angel before you to drive out the Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Go up to this land that flows with milk and honey. But I will not travel among you, for you are a stubborn and rebellious people. If I did, I would surely destroy you along the way.” (‭‭Exodus‬ ‭33:2-3‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

God has already assured Moses that He is giving the land to them. But without one thing – God is not going with them! I so love Moses’ response, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.” ‭(‭Exodus‬ ‭33:15‬ ‭NLT)

Whoa!!! I was blown away! Don’t you just love Moses? Talk about receiving the sure fire much-awaited blessing and being in the presence of God! If that were you, which one would you rather have?

You see, at the end of the day, God can change, in a snap of a finger, the long season of your wandering in the wilderness of singlehood and show you the lifetime partner you have long been waiting for. But we need to come to a point in our spiritual lives where, just like Moses, we would rather choose God’s presence more than the fulfillment of the promise itself. Moses knew that without His presence, life is meaningless. Without God, life is worse than the wilderness that they’ve wandered around for the past 40 years. That if God won’t be there leading them, he would rather not enter the Promised Land.

I had learned this truth myself. It’s easy to find a mate and get married for the sake of getting married. But it will not be as magnificent unless I knew that it was led by the Spirit of God. So I choose to remain single and I will be for as long as God wills it for me, but I have resolved it in my heart that if His presence will not go with me, I will not leave this place.

I’ve learned that being single is hard, but I’ve also learned that there are worse things than being alone – and that is being married to the wrong person for the wrong reason. So I choose to stay single until God presents me my God-ordained husband. 🙂

For now, I make a decision everyday to enjoy every moment of my singlehood and to continue to delight myself in God because He already knows every desires of my heart. This lifetime partner, he’s out there already I know –  I will meet him (or perhaps I may have met him already!!) and we will be together when God’s perfect time comes…oh I can almost smell it coming! 🙂

God bless!

(If you missed reading Part 1: How to be Single, please click here.) 

Capturing a selfie like a castaway in this beautiful island. Yes, it’s nicer to have someone to share this moment with, but that shouldn’t stop me from enjoying myself.

How To Be Single (Part 1)

How To Be Single (Part 1)

I find it really funny that only recently our church elders have met up with a few of our small group leaders to address the issue of the alarming growth of unmarried men and women in our church. Somehow, they felt the need to propel these singles to mingle and build godly relationships that would potentially lead to marriages. I am not against this. In fact, I am very much supportive of this and sincerely touched by such gesture.

I have been single long enough to know the pressure and sorrow that comes along with being the only single in the crowd. It has not always been the most comfortable place to be in – from being embarrassedly called out to catch the bouquet during weddings, explaining your marital status to your high school friends during class reunions, to being branded as old maid, picky or choosy by your relatives during family gatherings. So, if perhaps an outside force will have to be put in place in order to stir things up a bit and make these marriages happen, then I’d much welcome this with open arms. However, whilst I am excited to mingle with my equally single eligible bachelor friends, I would like to first apply an inner force and address the condition of every single (ready-to-mingle?) person’s heart.

A lot of single men and women in church desire and pray to get married but if you would ask them, “Do you know how to be single?” Some would either give you a stern look whilst some would stop for a moment and think really hard before finding some answers.

If you’re single and reading this, let me ask you, do you truly understand why God has got you in this season of your life? If not, let me share with you what I learned in my own journey. This is not a formula to help you find a lifetime partner, this is more about you finding joy, peace and contentment as you walk through this season of your life as a single man or woman.

1. Being single is more than your Marital status, it is your Spiritual status. 

It’s amazing how even the laws of this world require that in order for a person to get married, you got to be single or unmarried first. In the Philippines, for instance, one of the legal requirements to apply for a marriage license is that each of the couple has to present a “Certificate of No Marriage” – meaning neither one of them is currently married to anyone and anywhere therefore this qualifies them to get hitched. Once they have satisfied this requirement then they can set the date and proceed with the wedding preparations.

That’s how it is legally speaking. But what about spiritually speaking? If God searches your heart right now, will He be in a position to give you a “Certificate of No Marriage”? Or will He still find names of your exes still etched around the deep corners of your heart?

How many of you are unmarried legally but are still spiritually married or bound to so many different partners from your past? Your soul is still tied to your first love in grade school or your first boyfriend/girlfriend in high school? You still sing that old song, “first love never dies,” right?

Wrong!

Well, I say, kill it! If it didn’t work out, then it failed. So kill it! This especially applies to all your past relationships that still haunt you like hell. If that relationship caused you to runaway from God, then it definitely had to die! Put a nail on the coffin and bury it to the ground to never be resurrected again. Only Jesus has the power to resurrect, if He wills it, He would raise it up again. But until then, you are to stay on the course with your eyes fixed on the Lord whilst you keep moving ahead.

2. Being single is about seeking freedom and finding wholeness in Christ – and Him alone. 

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I remember only a few months ago when I was dealing with severe depression, I sought counsel from one of my trusted church elders and we performed a healing and deliverance session. In the last part of the session, we did a spiritual breaking of soul ties. Here, I wrote down and called out all the names of my previous partners – men whom I have given my heart away and body to – then I released forgiveness, renounced spoken oaths and, in the name of Jesus, declared myself divorced (in spirit) from each one of them.

What a lot of single men and women don’t know is that, once you have given your heart away to another person and sealed this oath with a sexual act outside the boundaries of marriage, you have married this person in spirit illegally. The Bible says, “the two will become one flesh.” Hence, you have bound yourself to the other person, which is why you often wonder why even after so many years, you’d still find yourself at times longing for this particular person even if you knew that it wasn’t really the kind of relationship that pleases the Lord.

So my recommendation is this, unbound yourself, cast out your demons and find emotional healing. Seek help and advice from a trusted godly friend, your small group leader if you’re a part of one or a godly mentor who will walk with you through the process. This process could take shorter or longer, but it all depends on how much part of your heart you are willing to surrender to God. The more you allow God to work on your heart, the more freedom and success you will experience. No matter how painful it is, “you can be confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until Christ Jesus our Lord. (Philippians 1:6)” He is faithful to the end and He will never leave you nor forsake you in the process.

3. Being single is about understanding your real role as a man/woman of God. 

A lot of Christian singles – women in particular, fall into the same cycle of heartaches simply because their minds have not yet been completely renewed. Their choices and ways in choosing a lifetime partner have not changed much since coming back to the Lord. Some still find themselves getting entangled into ungodly relationships time and time again leaving them on the same trail of a broken heart.

The ways of the world have somehow contributed much to this pain. Women were taught to be more proactive in finding a mate as a result, men have become more and more passive. That is why it has become even more difficult to build a lasting relationship much less create a godly and healthy one.

In the Garden of Eden where it all began, when Adam and Eve sinned, one of the consequences of the fall was the switch in the role of the man and the woman. In the area of dating, the woman has actually become the one stepping up in the game, laying down her heart, whilst the man sit around the sideline and wait for the woman to show him some interest before he even makes a move. This part, I am quite adamant. I do not get it with some men at times (I’m not saying all). Why not, instead of waiting for the girl to show interest, why not go to God directly, spend more time in prayers and ask God for more faith and courage to pursue. Rather than testing the waters whilst throwing hints here and there to different ‘potential’ women and waiting who among them would actually catch the bait. This I believe is not being godly at all.  A real man of God will inquire of the Lord, he would know when it is time and because he is being led by the Spirit of God, he will have the faith and confidence to move forward in any relationship he decides to pursue.

A man whose faith is stronger than his fear of rejection, in my opinion, is the most attractive trait a man can have. And if a man cannot lead a woman in the spiritual aspect, I believe he is not yet in a position to pursue a woman. Unless, he understands this and knows how to act accordingly, he will just be another Adam who hides behind the bush afraid of being confronted by God and blames Eve for everything that have gone wrong.

For the single woman who has been relentlessly praying for the man of her dreams to come around,  stay hidden in God. Hide those cleavage, be modest and keep those legs closed. There is no need for you to flash them around in order for Adam to notice you. If that is all that attracted him to you, then you are setting yourself up for another heartache. Stop chasing no man or you will have to keep chasing him for the rest of your life!

Instead, use this season to understand your role as a woman and your true identity as a daughter of God. Rest and cultivate the noble character of a woman. Be the woman who knows her worth. Instead of always trying to position yourself to be found by a man, why not try to position yourself in the center of God’s will? There you will find peace, joy, contentment, security and yes, even true love. The Bible says, “Seek ye first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:33)” It took me a long time to understand this, but after several twists and turns, I finally get it. Indeed, I don’t need to seek no man, but only one man I should seek and his name is Jesus.  🙂

 (To be continued in Part 2: How to be Single

Girlfriends in God

“When I say, ‘Open your mouth’, open your mouth, Aaaahhhh, okay?” I instructed my picture-hungry giggling girlfriends as I snapped a well-scripted selfie. 

I find it extremely impossible to survive this long season of my singlehood without my equally gorgeous and ‘unattached’ girlfriends. If perhaps there is one gift next to my family that I am overly thankful for, it would be this wonderful gift of friendship. There is none like it in this world. You cannot buy them as they’re not for sale. They are gifts wrapped in different shapes, ages, colours and personalities. 

I know who to go to and confide with when I go through my own rollercoaster of emotions. And they will never fail to bring me back to my ‘normal’ happy jolly state. 

I believe in what the bible says, “He who walks with the wise, grows wise but a companion of fools suffers harm.” It’s so true! I am so grateful that even as a young kid, my parents have taught me how to choose my friends wisely. Not that I tried to discriminate people I go out with, but to make friends not based on social, race or economic background, but to choose based on the person’s heart – and you would know what’s in their heart by their words and their actions. They are the kind of people who would help bring out the best in you, encourage you to pursue your dreams, draw you closer to God and love you even at your worst. And they are rare! That is why, it’s a gift! 

So, to all my beautiful girlfriends who have been with me through thick and thin, you are precious! I speak overflowing blessings into your lives and may God protect you always as you each pursue His calling. 

I love you. I can’t imagine living this life without you. You made my world a better place to live in because I have you by my side sharing my laughters and wiping my tears. Aww! God bless all of you! ❤️💋🙏🏼😇😘

Day 2: Wandering in the Wilderness of a Broken Heart

Day 2: Wandering in the Wilderness of a Broken Heart

I never thought I’d ever come to this place again

A familiar place I dare not tread upon

A place of heartache, brokenness and pain.

Suddenly, the memories I’ve buried in the past,

Came open a wound so deep.

It was as if a dark hole wallowed me in

That all I could hear were deafening voices

Of guilt, sorrow and pain

They echo in my ear over and over

Hammering my soul until my spirit breaks into pieces.

And here I am again.

A voice inside me whispers,

“How long will I ever wander around this wilderness

Till I finally get it right?”

“What am I doing here, God?

Why am I here again?”

I sobbed in solitude filled my eyes with tears

As I drove in to a secret hiding place

A familiar place where cries of grief were heard

Till no more tears were left to shed

And no more words were left unsaid.

Holding out tears in the day that passed

Pretending everything was all okay.

I pulled out a smile each passing day

Till all my strength was nay.

Telling everyone that all is fine

When the truth is that my soul was slain.

But now is the time and I had to let it all out,

Get my heart right and shout it all out

Lord, how long will I ever conceal

This sadness that is oh so still,

When my heart bleeds from the inside out.

I wish there were some cure

A medicine available in the world

When one experiences a broken heart.

But there isn’t any – only a heartfelt prayer…

And a renewed way of thinking.

Only time can tell when this will be over.

And I want it all to be over… Right here

Right now, right where I am.

How long dear God, how long?

Till I finally get it right?

How far away is this wilderness?

Do I have the strength to last this journey?

How many more lessons do I have to learn and unlearn?

How many more valleys do I have to walk through?

How many more waters do I have to pass through?

How many more fire do I have to endure?

Lord, I cry out to you.

Take this pain away.

Heal me.

Give me a brand new heart.

I want to wander here no more

In this wilderness of grief and sorrow

I’ve been here long enough

But I will not make a move, not a single step

Until your presence go before me.

We step together into the new place,

A land that you are about to show.

To the land you promised on oath.

The land flowing with milk and honey.

The land where your love is poured out like rain

The land where your joy and peace reside

A place where I will no longer be afraid,

For I know you are with me,

Reassuring me that I am never alone.

That even when storms come crashing again,

I will remain calm, because you are there with me.

Protecting me with your gracious love.

Dear God, I want to come back now.

Bring me home.

You are my home.