“Why Waiting Works: How Fast Sex Prevents us from Finding True Love and Long Term Happiness”
by Rob Kowalski
The Author and the Man Behind the Videos
Rob Kowalski, “is a self-proclaimed reformed bad boy. Once the biggest stripper and nightclub promoter in his hometown of Baltimore, MD; he had a radical life-changing encounter with Jesus and turned his life around. Rob’s life of excess taught him many lessons about what does and doesn’t work, and why. His mess has become his message. CEO and Founder of CityFam, a Baltimore-based non-profit organization that advocates for the power of community to transform an individual, a city, and even the whole world.”
So, how did I know about all this?
I discovered Rob Kowalski in youtube. A few months ago, one of his videos, “10 Reasons NOT to have Sex Before Marriage” popped up in my youtube phoneapp. At the time, I was dealing with a “soul tie” from a past relationship. I needed someone to convince me that my decision to ‘wait’ for God’s best for me is the best decision I’ve ever made!
Rob’s videos caught my attention. I listened, and I was convinced. He’s become my ‘buddy’ since then.
Rob have kept me ‘company’ for many days, as I drive to and from work. It was like having a junior “Holy Spirit” sitting next to me telling me that I’m on the right track. His ‘brutally’ honest advice were spot on as he shares about his past and how his decision to be abstinent changed the rest of his life and of those around him.
In his first ever published book, “Why Waiting Works: How Fast Sex Prevents Us from Finding True Love and Long-Term Happiness”. Like I said earlier, the book talks about his life, but at the same time, it is also a roadmap for finding the love of your life and the life you’ve always wanted. (I like that part actually!) His advice were all very practical, yet he made sure to stick to the biblical standards, which is what I love most about his book.
Would I recommend this book? Definitely! And here are my personal takeaways:
5 Things I Like about the book:
- I was able to relate.
As shocking as his real and raw revelations of his sexual ‘adventures’ were, (sorry, I couldn’t find a better term) and how he got to where he is right now, you’d still find yourself walking in his shoe. I know, not many people would talk (or write) about their own personal struggles about the subject of sex, but I’m pretty sure, whether you are religious or not, you wish there were someone you could open up with without any fear of judgment and give you practical advice.
I was able to connect in a more personal level – from his struggles during his childhood, being fatherless and all, the feelings of emptiness and loneliness, the desire to make a difference in this world, up to his personal struggles to navigate through his decision to stay abstinent yet still stay true to his faith in Jesus.
- It’s NOT another dating self-help book.
There are so many articles, books and videos available out there which would give you tons of advice, especially to women, on how to ‘get the guy’, or for men, how to ‘be irresistible with women’ etc. etc. Whilst most dating advice would teach you all these ‘how to’ tips, which you’ve probably tried already and left you feeling worse than when you started, what you’d find (or would lead you to) here is far greater than that. After reading this book, for those who are seriously looking to change the course of their life, you’d find yourself looking forward to embark on a journey to seeking YOUR PURPOSE. 🙂
Rob Kowalski took the “pill” (if you’ve watched the movie, “The Matrix”, you know what I’m talking about), and that is exactly what this book is all about – taking the “road less travelled”. I mean, who wants to wait anyway when the world wants everything microwavable!
However, although this book would obviously tell you to “WAIT!”, it is true to its intention on explaining why it works and why waiting would save you from all the heartaches, wasted time, money and effort brought about by jumping into bed with a man/woman far too quickly.
- It helped me find emotional healing.
As I mentioned earlier, I was dealing with a soul tie from a previous relationship. This was also explained in the book.
Rededicating my life to the Lord has been a struggle because of this. I wanted to give my whole heart to the Lord but I couldn’t. I’m glad that through Rob’s stories and his videos, it gave me an inside “intelligence” about men which helped me understand how men think and how they struggle too. Slowly, my heart softened, and eventually, by the grace of God, I was able to release blessings and forgiveness to all the men in my past.
- It challenges the men to rise up and the women to wise up.
I love that this book included a “one-year (or six-month) challenge” towards the end. “The idea was to be intentional about eliminating dating and use that energy instead to focus on self-improvement”. The goal was to use this time “to learn to love themselves, love God and eventually learn to start dating the way God intended.”
But what I like most was when the men were challenged to rise up and be the men that God designed them to be. The Protector. The Warrior. The Pursuer. And also, the challenge for women to be wise in dealing with their relationship and not give in too easily, find their worth and value as well as, become the “helpmate” that God made to partner with Adam in fulfilling both their God-given purpose.
5. It’s NOT all about SEX, it’s about GOD!
I wouldn’t be supporting the message of this book if it didn’t bring its readers ‘home’. Home for me is being in the presence of a holy and mighty God and that is found by having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ – the main Man!
I like Rob’s answer when someone asked him, “What if you never find love and meet your soulmate?”, to which he replied, “There already has been a payoff. I’ve discovered my purpose.”
That is true. Waiting to have sex after marriage isn’t all about having sex as the main reward in itself. As Rob pointed out, “I’ve gotten my reward already. Finding love will be the cherry on the sundae.”
Being in the presence of God and having a relationship with Him is the reward!
So, why does waiting work?
At the end of the day, the reason why waiting works, is because God is also waiting for you on the other side. He’s waiting for you to make that decision to trust Him so He could tell you who you truly are and give you the love you’ve always longed for. 🙂