Believe it or not, I’ve had this book kept in my shelf for almost 3 years but I didn’t bother reading it. It was originally recommended by a friend of mine who is now happily married. She told me to read it So, I bought a copy online. But after it arrived, I read a few pages and put it away. I am not sure back then why I wasn’t so keen on reading it. But now, I understand why.
It was because back then, I was angry at God. I didn’t want to believe in His promises anymore. I grew impatient from waiting and back then I just broke up with a boyfriend, who was obviously not God’s pick for me. (I blogged about this in, “Wandering in the Wilderness of a Brokenheart”) So, I was in rebellion and I didn’t want to pray for a future husband anymore as I doubted whether he would ever come. Or worse, whether the man that I’ve really been praying for even exist at all!
I was afraid to get hurt and disappointed again. I didn’t want to desire to get married anymore. I just simply want to accept the fact that I’d be “alone” forever – and I blamed God for that.
But then I knew deep inside that my attitude wasn’t right. Keeping some form of bitterness was a sin against the Lord. I knew that the problem wasn’t really the fact that God does not want to answer my prayer. The problem was God couldn’t answer my prayer because I have a stinky attitude and my relationship with Him was far too broken that our relationship needs healing first.
Fast forward 2018, by the grace of God and by His relentless pursuit of me, I finally made a decision to really focus on building my relationship with Him.
Just me and Him.
There had been many revelations along the way and each day I felt a strong desire to want to be able to recognize His voice.
I want to know You more, Lord.
I want to be guided by Him. I want to know He is with me every step of the way.
Slowly, I began falling in love with my King again. It’s like being swept off my feet over and over again everyday as He slowly reveals to me the things I didn’t see before.
When I turned 40 this year, 2018, during one of my quiet times, I just surrendered my everything to Him. I said, “I am ready to face life – with or without a husband.” But I was not afraid anymore nor was bitter about it. In fact, I felt so happy, content and free!
Jesus is enough for me.
I simply trusted and believed what His word says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6 and in Isaiah 46:4, He assures me that “Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.”
I’m in good hands.
I’ll be fine.
Then about a month ago, God impressed upon my heart to ask (again) and pray (again) for a husband. I was hesitant at first. I told God, “If I’m going to make an idol out of this man whom I’ve never met, I’d rather not pray, Lord.” But the Holy Spirit just kept nagging me to obey. Then I told God, “But I am not sure if I know what I should be looking for in a husband. How do I know the type of man that is suitable for me, Lord?”
Then the Holy Spirit reminded me about this book, “Praying for Your Future Husband”, which was collecting dust in my shelf for almost 3 years!
As I opened the pages of this book, I prayed and made a commitment before the Lord to pray for my future husband just as He had told me to – but this time I did it not just for the purpose of resurrecting my ‘dead’ dreams, but more than ever, it was to honor God every step of the way. Believing that if this is indeed His will for me, then I’ll honor and accept it as a gift.
This book served as a guide for me on what I should be praying for. Each day, I committed to read a chapter (on top of reading my CFA books!) and offered the prayers at the end of the chapter to God. There were actually two prayers – one for my future husband and one for myself – which I must say made me cry every time.
I can’t believe the amount of anointing that is contained in this book! I had probably spent more time crying than actually reading it! The words just came alive. God’s redemptive stories and how God used the lives of these women, Ms Tricia Goyer and Ms Robin Jones Gunn, to bring hope and healing in other people’s lives were absolutely amazing! I couldn’t begin to fathom the amount of miracles and breakthroughs I received on every page of this book.
The prayers at the end of each chapter, indeed has changed my heart, which I believe was the highlight of all. It changed the way I see God and helped me understand why all my past relationships failed. I understood more clearly why God didn’t allow me to marry any one of them. It helped me see God’s heart and made me love Him more and gave me peace to wait for His best all the more. It helped me see marriage in a bigger perspective, that is, in God’s perspective – that getting married isn’t just about me or my future husband alone. Marriage, more than ever, is about Him. And for Him. To bring honor and glory to His name.
I thank the Lord for not giving up on me and for revealing these things through this book. Now, I am more excited to wait and although my husband hasn’t come along yet, I am confident because first of all, my God is faithful and secondly, I know that when he finally comes, God has prepared me to embrace my husband’s heart.