About two years ago, I almost walked out on my faith in God. I didn’t wanna serve Him anymore. I didn’t wanna have anything to do with church anymore. Almost wasn’t even not the right word to describe it, because in my heart and in my mind I already did.

I am not happy where I am now, so what’s the point of staying here? 

I was ready to give up my relationship with God to run away with a man whom I thought I love but didn’t wanna have anything to do with Jesus. It’s me and him against the world. Just like those hollywood drama lovestories.

And so one day, I came to a point where I had to make a decision. 

I only get to pick one guy! 

Him or Jesus. 

“It’s now or never!” I said to myself.

My mind says, Jesus but my hardened heart picked him. 

So, I made that choice. 

Immediately, I picked up my phone and told him to meet up with me. And so, he did. But something unexpected happened. 

“No, I can’t carry on with this relationship,” he said to me and walked out.

Heartbroken, alone and abandoned, I dropped to my knees before the Lord with my hands covering my face in shame and in guilt. 

Where do I go now, God, but only to You? After everything I’ve done, why do you still hold on to me? 

As I cry my heart in shame, I felt the Holy Spirit press upon my heart as He reminded me of the prayers I wrote in my journal several years ago. Those days when I would sing my heart out to God as I write my joyfilled prayers:

“Dear God, I love you so much! I am so afraid to lose you and be apart from your love. Please Lord, one thing I ask you, as there may come a time in my life when I will try to let go of Your hands. If ever that time may ever come, please don’t let go of mine.” 

Then God spoke to my heart, “I just answered your prayers, Pia. I didn’t let go of your hands, because you asked me not to.”

Two years ago, I almost lost my relationship with God. Yes, almost, and that is because He wouldn’t let me because He loves me so much to let me ruin myself. And I am sharing this journey to let you all know that He is a loving and forgiving God and even when we are faithless, He remains faithful. (2 Timothy 2:13). 

I’m grateful for that moment, because it allowed me to see the condition of my heart and allowed Jesus to bring healing and wholeness to my being. Now, I am enjoying a wonderful relationship with Jesus. He is the lover of my soul. The only One who completes me! 

6 thoughts on “Almost

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