As promised, here’s the continuation of How to be Single. In this section, much is emphasized on being you and learning to be comfortable with who you are. So, to start with, let’s move on with the part that is almost always neglected by most single people:
4. Being single is loving yourself first, before loving others.
The late Dr. Myles Munroe in one of his interviews said, “The strength of your love for others is only as strong as your love for yourself.” I can never argue that, because Jesus himself commanded us to, “Love your neighbor as you love yourself.” It seems that loving others go hand in hand with loving yourself. If you cannot love yourself, who is with you, in you, 24 hours a day, how will you be able to love another human being?
If you have not reconciled this fact within yourself, I encourage you to embark on a journey of loving yourself. It is not about being self-centered. But it is more about being at peace with who you are, dealing with your loneliness, accepting what you are and loving the ‘you’ that God has placed in your body. Seek help or counsel from your godly mentor if need be. Ask God to help you deal with every insecurity you have about yourself that is causing you to NOT like yourself.
In my own personal experience, I had to learn to watch a movie by myself, laugh at my own jokes, be comfortable with dining by myself in a fancy restaurant and not at all feel envious of the couple exchanging sweet nothings at the other side of the table. These things I have to overcome until I feel happy with my own company. So whatever, issues or insecurities you have inside, make peace with it. Until you are able to truly enjoy your own self, only then will you be able to fully share love and joy to others.
5. Being single is not about pursuing a lifetime partner, it is about pursuing God’s purpose in your life.
I’ve asked God this question a thousand times in my life, “Where is my husband, Lord?” Because to be honest, I didn’t like being single for a long time. In fact, I feel so embarrassed everytime someone would ask me, “Why are you still single?” Because I had somehow equated the fact that I am still single in my 30s as being like “the most undesirable girl in the world”. And I don’t want people to think that way about me.
In my early twenties, I made it one of my life goals to get married at the age of 25. I am a go-getter type of person. In other words, if I want something I’ll plan, work hard and get it! But that goal never came to fruition, for the simple and obvious reason that there was no eligible bachelor at sight desperate enough to ask me for marriage at that time.
None! Nada! Zilch!
Disappointed that my journey to ‘marriage’ was taking longer than I originally planned, (well… much longer as a matter of fact) this made me chase men to love me only to be left rejected and unloved. Many years down this path of searching for love, I met a man named, Jesus. He changed me and even my plans and goals in life. I realized that there were far greater purpose in this life. I have always thought that life was simply about finishing school, finding a career, getting married, building a family, raising up children and then finally going for retirement. Whilst these are actually great life goals, but discovering who you are according to God’s original intent and design became even more interesting to me.
So instead of chasing men, I made a decision to pursue my purpose – a purpose even bigger than my dreams – bigger than what I could even think or ever imagine.
6. Being single is about enjoying God’s presence more than receiving His blessings.
I love the story of Moses in Exodus 33, when God instructed Moses to tell the Israelites to go up to the Promised Land. The Lord says,
“And I will send an angel before you to drive out the Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. Go up to this land that flows with milk and honey. But I will not travel among you, for you are a stubborn and rebellious people. If I did, I would surely destroy you along the way.” (Exodus 33:2-3 NLT)
God has already assured Moses that He is giving the land to them. But without one thing – God is not going with them! I so love Moses’ response, “If you don’t personally go with us, don’t make us leave this place.” (Exodus 33:15 NLT)
Whoa!!! I was blown away! Don’t you just love Moses? Talk about receiving the sure fire much-awaited blessing and being in the presence of God! If that were you, which one would you rather have?
You see, at the end of the day, God can change, in a snap of a finger, the long season of your wandering in the wilderness of singlehood and show you the lifetime partner you have long been waiting for. But we need to come to a point in our spiritual lives where, just like Moses, we would rather choose God’s presence more than the fulfillment of the promise itself. Moses knew that without His presence, life is meaningless. Without God, life is worse than the wilderness that they’ve wandered around for the past 40 years. That if God won’t be there leading them, he would rather not enter the Promised Land.
I had learned this truth myself. It’s easy to find a mate and get married for the sake of getting married. But it will not be as magnificent unless I knew that it was led by the Spirit of God. So I choose to remain single and I will be for as long as God wills it for me, but I have resolved it in my heart that if His presence will not go with me, I will not leave this place.
I’ve learned that being single is hard, but I’ve also learned that there are worse things than being alone – and that is being married to the wrong person for the wrong reason. So I choose to stay single until God presents me my God-ordained husband. 🙂
For now, I make a decision everyday to enjoy every moment of my singlehood and to continue to delight myself in God because He already knows every desires of my heart. This lifetime partner, he’s out there already I know – I will meet him (or perhaps I may have met him already!!) and we will be together when God’s perfect time comes…oh I can almost smell it coming! 🙂
(If you missed reading Part 1: How to be Single, please click here.)