I never thought I’d ever come to this place again
A familiar place I dare not tread upon
A place of heartache, brokenness and pain.
Suddenly, the memories I’ve buried in the past,
Came open a wound so deep.
It was as if a dark hole wallowed me in
That all I could hear were deafening voices
Of guilt, sorrow and pain
They echo in my ear over and over
Hammering my soul until my spirit breaks into pieces.
And here I am again.
A voice inside me whispers,
“How long will I ever wander around this wilderness
Till I finally get it right?”
“What am I doing here, God?
Why am I here again?”
I sobbed in solitude filled my eyes with tears
As I drove in to a secret hiding place
A familiar place where cries of grief were heard
Till no more tears were left to shed
And no more words were left unsaid.
Holding out tears in the day that passed
Pretending everything was all okay.
I pulled out a smile each passing day
Till all my strength was nay.
Telling everyone that all is fine
When the truth is that my soul was slain.
But now is the time and I had to let it all out,
Get my heart right and shout it all out
Lord, how long will I ever conceal
This sadness that is oh so still,
When my heart bleeds from the inside out.
I wish there were some cure
A medicine available in the world
When one experiences a broken heart.
But there isn’t any – only a heartfelt prayer…
And a renewed way of thinking.
Only time can tell when this will be over.
And I want it all to be over… Right here
Right now, right where I am.
How long dear God, how long?
Till I finally get it right?
How far away is this wilderness?
Do I have the strength to last this journey?
How many more lessons do I have to learn and unlearn?
How many more valleys do I have to walk through?
How many more waters do I have to pass through?
How many more fire do I have to endure?
Lord, I cry out to you.
Take this pain away.
Give me a brand new heart.
I want to wander here no more
In this wilderness of grief and sorrow
I’ve been here long enough
But I will not make a move, not a single step
Until your presence go before me.
We step together into the new place,
A land that you are about to show.
To the land you promised on oath.
The land flowing with milk and honey.
The land where your love is poured out like rain
The land where your joy and peace reside
A place where I will no longer be afraid,
For I know you are with me,
Reassuring me that I am never alone.
That even when storms come crashing again,
I will remain calm, because you are there with me.
Protecting me with your gracious love.
Dear God, I want to come back now.
Bring me home.
You are my home.