Day 2: Wandering in the Wilderness of a Broken Heart

I never thought I’d ever come to this place again

A familiar place I dare not tread upon

A place of heartache, brokenness and pain.

Suddenly, the memories I’ve buried in the past,

Came open a wound so deep.

It was as if a dark hole wallowed me in

That all I could hear were deafening voices

Of guilt, sorrow and pain

They echo in my ear over and over

Hammering my soul until my spirit breaks into pieces.

And here I am again.

A voice inside me whispers,

“How long will I ever wander around this wilderness

Till I finally get it right?”

“What am I doing here, God?

Why am I here again?”

I sobbed in solitude filled my eyes with tears

As I drove in to a secret hiding place

A familiar place where cries of grief were heard

Till no more tears were left to shed

And no more words were left unsaid.

Holding out tears in the day that passed

Pretending everything was all okay.

I pulled out a smile each passing day

Till all my strength was nay.

Telling everyone that all is fine

When the truth is that my soul was slain.

But now is the time and I had to let it all out,

Get my heart right and shout it all out

Lord, how long will I ever conceal

This sadness that is oh so still,

When my heart bleeds from the inside out.

I wish there were some cure

A medicine available in the world

When one experiences a broken heart.

But there isn’t any – only a heartfelt prayer…

And a renewed way of thinking.

Only time can tell when this will be over.

And I want it all to be over… Right here

Right now, right where I am.

How long dear God, how long?

Till I finally get it right?

How far away is this wilderness?

Do I have the strength to last this journey?

How many more lessons do I have to learn and unlearn?

How many more valleys do I have to walk through?

How many more waters do I have to pass through?

How many more fire do I have to endure?

Lord, I cry out to you.

Take this pain away.

Heal me.

Give me a brand new heart.

I want to wander here no more

In this wilderness of grief and sorrow

I’ve been here long enough

But I will not make a move, not a single step

Until your presence go before me.

We step together into the new place,

A land that you are about to show.

To the land you promised on oath.

The land flowing with milk and honey.

The land where your love is poured out like rain

The land where your joy and peace reside

A place where I will no longer be afraid,

For I know you are with me,

Reassuring me that I am never alone.

That even when storms come crashing again,

I will remain calm, because you are there with me.

Protecting me with your gracious love.

Dear God, I want to come back now.

Bring me home.

You are my home.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. I feel you, Pia. No matter how many wisdom we hear and read, the noise is still there in our hearts especially on our solitary moments. The only way is through it, dear. You need to endure and learn how to command your soul to be still. You have to form a habit of turning them into prayer, because I agree with you that it is the only medicine. I pray that God will create in you a pure heart and a steadfast spirit within you. Spirit gives us not the power to be timid but of power, love and self-discipline.


    1. piagurl says:

      Thank you for that encouragement. It is a process, but I am getting better each day by God’s grace. Thank God for our spiritual family who are always there to stand alongside with us to give us strength for the journey. God bless you. 🙂


      1. These too will pass, by the grace of God. Indeed, thanks to our spiritual family! Be blessed.


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s