(I found this blog in my old ‘multiply’ account which I posted almost 8 years ago. I’m so glad I was able to save it before my account was deleted. I just want to re-post it here so I don’t lose it. Hope you get blessed as you read it. It’s quite long though, so please bear with me.)
I could not remember what I prayed for that night. But there was something special about it that made God reveal how He plans to fulfill my greatest desire. Let me share you this beautiful dream which I had a year after walking with the Lord. This was the time when the major storm in my life has finally settled down.
I remember His words, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4 NIV) This was the verse my former boss quoted to me before I left the Philippines two and a half years ago. I have not had a relationship with Jesus back then. But even then, I felt that God was trying to reach out to me through those words. I just couldn’t understand how I would even apply it in my life. After I have received Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior a year after, there has always been a question about what lies ahead.
Following Jesus Christ, as a new believer has never been so easy for me. It was filled with nights and days of tormenting battles inside my head. My mind was being pushed to the limits by evil thoughts and memories of the past. My emotion was constantly stirred by those so-called “good memories” in my past wanting me to long for things which I have already surrendered to the Lord. Even worse, the enemy of our soul kept hitting the wounds which have not yet healed completely.
There were nights where I would just cry out to God and ask Him for a miracle so that the pain would just die down instantly. But that was not part of His plan, the Holy Spirit would always remind me of Paul’s words where Jesus Christ spoke to him saying, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV)
Each day, I would wake up filled with hope, excitement and joy in my heart knowing that I am a day closer to wholeness and completeness. Finding refuge in the loving arms of God has covered me with so much peace in spite of those raging battles.
But this night was not like any other nights because this night marks the rising of the new day… the day that I have been waiting for…the day when I will begin walking in fullness and completeness through the grace of the Lord.
“The faithful love of the LORD never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.” (Lamentations 3:22-23 NLT)
It was at this time that God showed me a much greater view of His plans.
The scenes in my dreams were so dramatic. It seemed as if I was watching in a drive-in cinema. There, God showed me what my heart has been longing to find out, after coming out victoriously from painful relationships in my past. I asked, “Will I ever get married, Lord?”
This is probably the no. 1 question that most single men and women have been asking God. Somehow it has imposed a lot of pressure to singles most especially to ladies thinking their biological clocks were ticking fast making them more desperate especially when there is no eligible bachelor available.
I thank God that he has already opened my eyes to the truth. But that did not stop me from asking. Who else would be best to ask other than the one who holds our future in his hands? Well, what do you know? I got my answer!
Let me tell you my dream…
I was in a pub. It pretty much looked like the same pub I usually hang out with when I was still a non-believer of Christ. Like every pubs, it was dark with lots of people young and old coming in and out drinking beer and laughing their hearts out like there’s no tomorrow. I was with my brother and sisters. We were all having fun – drinking beer and watching people as they enter the main door.
Then suddenly, there came a bunch of local Arab men. Surprised by their unexpected presence, the crowd started buzzing around. Later on, the party host came up to the stage and announced that these Arab men were actually the sons of the Sheikhs. They were given this one-time chance to go around, get to know the ladies and select a lady for each of them to be his wife. Each one is to write the name of the lady he selected on a piece of paper and hand it over to the host.
I was awestruck in one corner and I didn’t know where to hide. The next thing I knew, one of the Arab men was already smiling at me. I started talking to him and we got along quickly like one of those one-hour photo developed shots. After a while, I left him and joined my brother and sisters.
Before the party ended, the host took the microphone and called the name of each son and read the name of his chosen “one”, one after another. When it was the turn of the man I met, he went up the stage and pointed his finger towards my brother. I was tongue-tied then I realized my brother was holding the piece of paper in his hand with my name on it. Then he came up to me, knelt down with one knee and asked, “Will you marry me?” I sobbed and answered him, “I can’t. We are of different faith. I might have feelings for you, but I love God more than anyone else in this world. And I could not bargain my love for him over you. I’m sorry.” I left him feeling as if there was a huge mountain of regret lying on his shoulder.
Immediately, I ran outside the pub sobbing and crying out to God. I began to pray and say, “God, why would you ever allow me to meet somebody so nice but then you know for sure when he ask me for marriage I can never say ‘yes’ to his proposal? Father, I feel my heart being crushed right now. But God, even if my mind is telling me one thing I want you to know that my heart still belongs to you, no matter how many times things like this happen, I will always love you and you will always be the one I will choose.”
It was actually a strange night because the sky was clear. There were clouds and the sun and moon were bright. After I have had my piece, and while I was still looking up in the sky, the cloud suddenly moved and formed a big hand. I was astounded as the hand-shaped cloud started moving and formed an arm. Slowly it gets longer as if trying to reach for something on the other side. As if searching a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, I followed where the hand was reaching for. When I looked, there came a man walking in the cloud coming closer and closer to me. I couldn’t recognize him. I wonder who this man could be. I felt my heart beat fast. I reckoned he was the same man who proposed to me but he was not wearing his dish-dash and his hair seemed different. Though I could not see his face, I knew he has been sent by God for me. As he got closer, he stopped and asked, “Will you marry me?” I was startled. My heart leaped for joy but trying to hide my emotions I said to him, “I will still have the same answer. I will still choose God over you.” Then he held my hand and answered, “That’s fine. I know you would. That’s why I am here. Because He sent me to come for you to ask you to marry me.”
When I woke up, it seemed as if I was still dreaming. I couldn’t believe what was just revealed to me. My heart was filled with joy and excitement. Then I thought, whatever God was trying to tell me in that dream, the one question that has been disturbing me has finally came to rest. I realized that our ultimate desire for marriage here on earth is nothing compared to the marriage that awaits us in heaven.
There is a greater plan that God has set for each of us. As we walk closer to God, we come in fullness and understanding of His love. Then we understand that it was Jesus all along who could complete us. He was sent to all of us by God in his mighty hand. This journey towards wholeness was his plan because one day Jesus will come again and ask us to be His eternal bride.
As for getting married, I don’t know when. I don’t know how. I don’t know with who. But I choose to put all my trusts in His unfailing love.
“…The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.” (Psalm 145:13b NIV)