(The Single Series)
Always the Bridal Shower Organiser, Never The Bride!
“Of course not!”
Thank you for not agreeing with me to the last phrase! Really! I needed to hear that from someone as my ears are more inclined to listen to just exactly the opposite and it sucks!
But don’t get me wrong, I love organising bridal showers. For me, it’s like celebrating a woman’s changing of season – from single-and-waiting to excited-to-get-married. I never want her to miss this precious event. I like the fun and the action – the busyness in trying to come up with themes, putting on costumes, setting up decorations, shopping for naughty presents and rolling in laughter at the various silly games. But most of all, I love seeing my girlfriends await for that surprised look from our bride-to-be and her heartfelt tears as she walks in to a party that is prepared especially for her.
Oh such a priceless moment!
Although, at times when I am in my quiet lonesome moments and I am trying to make my own ‘statistical’ analysis of my chances and probabilities of ever becoming “The Bride” based on my age, my social exposures, my personality type, my spiritual background, etc, etc… I would say that it would take a lot of miracle for me to be the one sitting on that little bride-to-be chair.
A miracle! Yes, you heard it right. It would take a miracle because even within the boundaries of the church, the choices of men that I would even consider seem to be either happily-married, just-got-engaged, just-got-into-a-relationship, not-yet-ready-for-marriage, or to simply put it… none! And it could be quite depressing sometimes.
I remember at a certain point in my life, I resolved to simply just accept the fact that I might not get married at all. (Ouch!) But I must say, that having this kind of feeling does NOT necessarily mean that I am desperate and that this one specific thing that is missing in my life has always been the subject of my thoughts. Certainly, there are those highs and lows. There are times that I rejoice and just so grateful that I have not gotten married yet. As a matter of fact, I do enjoy my life right now as I am able to do a lot of things which I know I wouldn’t be able to if I were married. Although, there are those low moments too. Surely, there are those obvious trigger moments like Christmas, company parties where they would often ask, “Are you bringing along a plus one?” to which I have my ready answer, “No! I’m bringing my plus 2 – me, myself and I!!”, and of course – weddings, bridal showers, and well, valentines day (which I now find so overrated!).
But most often, the ache was more painful and unbearable when those random moments just simply catch me by surprise. Moments like: seeing a family goes for picnic at the park together, or build sand castles by the beach, seeing a daddy cheers on for his son as he plays football with his classmates or a mommy kisses her daughter goodbye as she drops her off to school, or a husband and wife exchange that knowing look which shows just how much they adore each other.
These moments make my heart cringe.
Unfortunately, over the years, I wish I could say that I have already mastered the art of getting numb. Sometimes, the ache just passes for a moment. Sometimes, it lasts longer than a day or two. Sometimes, even longer. But most often, I simply just get on with the wave of my emotion and say to myself, “This too shall pass.”
I know it will.
For now, I have to learn to endure those trigger moments. Before, I used to cry bitterly in my quiet time with God, but over the years, I have learned to cry silently in my heart. I wish at times that there is a medicine that I could take in when those moments attack. Like when you take paracetamol when you got headache or flu-tabs when you got flu. But no, there is no medicine available, only prayer. Prayer that as I remain in this season of waiting, my God will show me the secret to contentment. That I would keep trusting the Lord for His perfect timing in my life even when I don’t see any possibility in sight; that even when this particular dream lingers, I would continue to rejoice even as I see my dream come to pass to some of my friends.
I love it when I listen to my girlfriends testify of God’s faithfulness. How God has changed the season in their lives. The joy they felt as God brought His best for them. How they testify that indeed, “those whose hope is in the Lord will never be disappointed. (Psalm 49:23)”
And I believe that.
So I rejoice and celebrate with them. I know soon, when my time comes, it would also be a splendid glorious celebration of God’s faithfulness!
And yes, it will come!