(The Single Series)
When a woman reaches the age of 30, unattached with no eligible prospect in sight, suddenly ‘people’ get interested in her. Interested, not in a good way – but like an ‘exhibit A’ being presented to a court case or worse, a specimen in a lab. They put her under a microscope and magnify every detail in her life – her past, her preferences, her relationships, her family, her lifestyle even her looks and personality – in pursuit of unlocking the mystery behind her singleness. The moment they came up with such hypotheses, they couldn’t wait to give their unsolicited advice topped with all types of formula, theories, and a ten-point how-to-tips in order that they may finally be able to get her hitched.
Welcome to my world!
I thought, “Yeah right! Like I have not actually done all those things before? Should I start blaming myself for still being single? Should I now begin to find fault in me to justify why I still have not found the ‘one’ for me? Should I begin to hate myself for all the stupid mistakes in the past? Should I allow people to undermine my choices in life?” Well, I did not plan any of these – certainly not! I mean seriously! In fact, I planned to get married at the age of 25, have kids by the time I reach 30 and retire at the age of 60! That was my original plan and boy, I did try! I guess I tried so hard, but it just didn’t happen the way I wanted it to. So, what I have right now and where I am right now is NOT part of my plan!
But I am here now.
My most favourite moment is when people would ask me (like they have not asked me before), “Why are you still single?”. Like duh? I could come up with various answers depending on who is asking the question. But my honest-to-goodness answer would only be, “I don’t know.” I mean seriously, I just really don’t know!
Even well-meaning people can offer all sorts of advice. Unfortunately, that’s just not how things work for all people. In spite of so many different how to’s, it simply does not and will not work at all – at least for some people like myself. I am not being proud in saying this. I simply choose not to keep my eyes focused on one thing I don’t have and no control of at this point in my life.
I have had a few relationships in the past though unfortunately circumstances had allowed it to fail. But at that time, people were all supportive of me. No pressure. “It’s alright honey, you’ll soon find the right man for you.” That’s the kind of faith I wanted to hear. Yes, I did learn a lot of lessons from the past. They were painful but looking back, I have no regrets. I knew I was very much immature back then. My past had led me to knowing the greatest lover the world has ever known, Jesus Christ. He opened my eyes to the things that matter more in this world and He gave me a brand new perspective in living – a life lived with a purpose and an eternity that is secured.
Every day I have to surrender my worldly desires, my dreams, my expectations, my needs, my wants and focus on what I have at the moment. Every day is a gift and there are just so many things I could be joyful about. I pray to God to open my eyes in order to see those gifts. Indeed, there were so many!
But at the end of the day, nothing could ever yet compare to being in His presence, knowing that I need not be afraid of what tomorrow would bring because He loves me. He knows everything about me. He created me so He knows exactly what I need and when I need them. I simply have to trust Him.
And if that special guy comes along, at least he would find me in my most complete state – not desperate or broken – but full of life and filled with love!
I have listed down things which I would like to do as a single woman. I can try all sorts of adventures while I am physically able to: travel the world, build my own house, buy a property, start some business, invest, meet new friends, learn another language, live healthy, try a new sport, be fit, stay young (at heart) and pretty all the time. It’s not always easy but it’s fun!
To all the ladies who are in the same boat with me, let me encourage you. I promise you, there are so many beautiful things to be glad about in this season. Ask God to open your eyes to see His beautiful gifts just for you. Life should not start only when you find your lifetime partner. Life should begin right now – exactly where you are. Do not allow waiting to kill you like a wilting flower. Rise, shine and bloom where God has planted you. Be the best person that you can be and allow the glory of God to shine upon you and within you.
Do not allow yourself to be carried away by your emotions and settle for whoever is within your arms reach. But rather let the wisdom and spirit of God carry you through the man, God has been raising up to be your husband. Who knows, he just might turn up one day and sweep you off your feet! Oh, that would be absolutely amazing! 🙂
God bless your hearts!
If you like this post, you might also like to read my other blog from ‘The Single Series’, called “The Confession of a Bridal Shower Organiser.” Please feel free to share your thoughts and leave your comments. Thanks for dropping by! 🙂