When was the last time you missed someone so badly it breaks your heart because you knew you are never going to see this person ever again?
I miss my Papa!
I woke up this morning feeling crushed as I stared at my dad’s photo that is sitting by the side table of our living room. As I looked at it, memories came flashing back to me like a movie being played in my mind. In that photo, my father was sitting on an uprooted tree whilst staring at the sea and proudly holding up his favourite friend, a bottle of San Miguel beer. A friend, who he would jokingly always say to us, was there with him in good times and in bad. He was quite a comedian, my father.
He loved going to the beach (perhaps this explains why our family loves the beach so much!) – the strolls along the shore, the feel of the breeze in the early afternoon, the sight of the sun as it sets in, and the delectable aroma of meat being barbequed to perfection whilst he watched all of us enjoy a meal together which he found to be the perfect time to deliver his endless speech about his dreams – his ambitions, his plans for the family and his aspirations for each one of his children. I used to take those moments for granted because I’ve heard them several times. It was as if I were listening to a broken record being played over and over. But now that he was gone, I would probably give up everything to have a minute with him – a chance to talk to him again, eat with him, laugh at his corny jokes and even dance his silly moves.
It had been 16 years since he had gone home to heaven. Oh how tough those years had been for our family! Even though we had long moved on and accepted the loss, we knew that our lives would never be the same again. My heart still aches during Christmas season when I see family photos of my friends with their dads in the background making funny faces. My heart still churns as I greet someone else’s dad on Father’s Day when I didn’t have my own dad to say it to or celebrate it with. My heart breaks in to millions of pieces at the thought that on my wedding day, he is never going to be there to walk me down the aisle to give my hand in marriage.
I guess no matter what we say or do or how long it had been, the grief over the loss of a loved one will remain for the rest of our life. There would always be that part of us longing to be reconciled to that important person who we truly adore, respect, honor and love.
I know I could never have my father back but I also know that one day I will see him again in heaven. And this gives me peace and joy. Oh what a lovely reunion it would be!
Pa, thank you for sharing your life to us, for teaching us to be strong, for showing us how to be brave and fearless, for showing us what a good example you are as a provider and for all your countless sacrifices that brought us to where we are now. We shall see each other again soon, in a place where ‘there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ (Revelation 21:4)
Happy birthday, Pa! We love you… our father, our hero!